Friday, October 26, 2012

Through Loss Comes Peace



October 25, 2012

Honorable Judge McGee,

The actions of Mr. Harris and Mr. Jamison have affected my son in a way that is almost impossible to put into words. Sawyer Webb was the wonderful and loving cousin of my six year old son, Tryp. He was so incredibly sweet, caring, family oriented and so funny.

When I heard the awful news I had to gather myself enough to gently tell Tryp what had happened to his cousin. Devastated does not even begin to describe how Tryp felt. We talked for hours that evening, I answered all of his questions as best as I could but there was one question that I could not answer… “Why would those bad guys shoot Sawyer? He’s a good guy.”

From the minute I had to break the terrible news to him he began showing signs of anxiety. He began asking every night at bedtime if the bad guys were caught yet, if they were close to our house and if we were safe. He would have night terrors, screaming at the top of his lungs, trembling and crying. No matter what we said or did to try to help Tryp, he was struggling with simple day to day tasks because he had become so consumed with Sawyer’s death.

He got a pet turtle and named him Sawyer the Turtle. He was gifted one of Sawyer’s stuffed animals, he wouldn’t let it out of his sight. These things helped and seemed to calm him. They helped him to feel like Sawyer was still here in a way.

One evening Tryp went into his room, sat in the middle of his bedroom floor and just started sobbing. His sister tried to console him but he wouldn’t talk, he just cried. When he finally began talking he said “I don’t want anyone else to die and I’m afraid of Mom dying.” The amount of empathy a mother can have for her hurting child could stop this spinning world on its axis. That very evening I e-mailed the best child psychologist in our area, Dr. Jean Deters, to schedule an appointment. It was obvious that Tryp was not  “coping” with the murder of Sawyer.  

Dr. Deters did a wonderful job of getting Tryp to open up about what he was feeling. She helped him to make a poster board of Distractions to hang in his room. He still has this poster on his wall and uses it fairly often. When he starts “getting sad” when thinking of Sawyer he can look at his poster board and pick a distraction. One of his distractions is playing his guitar, he now plays “to be as good as Sawyer” and that makes us both smile a little. After much evaluating and unloading his worries, Dr. Deters was able to tell us that Tryp is suffering from anxiety and depression. Soon thereafter Tryp was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome and ADHD.

Though there is no clear cause of Tourette’s Syndrome we do know that “In most children, Tourette's syndrome has a fluctuating course. Anxiety, stress and fatigue often intensify tics.” -MOHAMMED M. BAGHERI, M.D., JACOB KERBESHIAN, M.D., and LARRY BURD, PH.D., University of North Dakota School of Medicine and Health Sciences, Grand Forks, North Dakota

After many, many doctor’s appointments and different medications, we hope to take a deep, calming breath on December 20th of 2012 when Tryp will be seen by the Tourette Specialist at Children’s Hospital in Cincinnati Oh.

Mr. Harris and Mr. Jamison could never understand the magnitude of the Butterfly Effect they have caused, how they have brought affliction to so many peaceful people. I know that my son is dealing with the anxiety they have caused him, they have single-handedly corrupted my son’s innocence, his ability to trust and have escalated his condition. I can’t even imagine the number of sleepless nights that Sawyer’s mother has struggled through because I know that Tryp has had a years-worth of them. 

One thing that we know for sure is that the horrible crime committed against Sawyer and his family has caused an immense amount of pain and anguish for everyone who was lucky enough to love Sawyer for the short time he was here. My six year old son will continue to suffer from the loss of his cousin and will forever have a Sawyer sized hole in his heart. It is my job, as his mother, to fill that missing piece with the wonderful memories of Sawyer, to help him flip through pictures of himself with Sawyer and learn how to smile at those pictures.

I hope that these men are held accountable, for the rest of their lives, for their actions as well as the extent of them.

Thank you very much for your time,
Megan L. Gorman

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